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Love Bank Account : Strengthening Relationship with Yourself

Strengthening your relationship with yourself

a man seated in yoga pose facing the ocean

Be the love you never received.

-- Rune Lazuli


Love bank account is a concept commonly used in couples therapy, strengthening the communication between two partners and interpersonal relationships.


The concept is simple; for every interaction between two people, you can turn away and ignore or turn towards and make your partner feel acknowledged and heard. A relationship where one or both partners consistently turn away creates an environment of decreased emotional connection, unfulfillment, and less dependability.


However, this practice is not only restricted to couples. You can apply this practice to strengthen and flourish your relationship with yourself. Our relationship with ourselves is the foundation of all other relationships. How you speak to yourself, acknowledge your needs, and authentically express yourself to others. It all matters because this translates into how you form your relationships with others.


Think of it this way: every time you acknowledge yourself and do something nice for yourself, you are making a deposit into your love account. And every time you are being harsh on yourself and ignoring your personal needs, you are making a withdrawal from your love bank account.


Comparing it to your financial bank account, if you were to only make the withdrawals and no deposit. Your bank account will be zero in no time.


Acknowledge Your Feelings

illustration of woman covering her eyes

When we feel emotional, we often try to suppress or ignore our emotions. We don’t want to appear weak or needy or even referred to as the party pooper. This creates a lot of blockages on an energetic and mental level. You don’t have to react to every feeling, but you must at least acknowledge your feelings and healthily process them.


The next time someone upsets you, whether it’s an argument with your partner, a family member, or something your friend did that bothered you, allow time and space to acknowledge and process your feelings, instead of brushing it away. Comfort yourself and be true to yourself and how you feel.


The intention here is to form a connection with yourself and acknowledge your feelings.


Increase Positive Self-Talk

illustration of a hand forming the OK symbol

You must be aware of your alter ego, someone living in your head and constantly talking to you, telling you what to do, responding to every thought you have, and suggesting new ideas. Learn to observe how you speak to yourself. If it’s not positive, change it!


Think about how you would speak to a loved one or how you would want them to speak to you. That’s how you should be talking to yourself. For every negative self-talk phrase, use 5 positive sentences to replace that negative sentence. It doesn’t have to be extraordinary. It can be as simple as “I’m beautiful,” “I’m kind,” “I’m doing my best,” and “I love myself.” Words have the power to heal, and self-talk is a very powerful expression that many of us ignore.


Treat Yourself

illustration of a woman about to sip from a cup

Do something nice for yourself every once in a while, or even every day. An act of self-care and kindness towards yourself. Something fun that will lift your spirit up, put a smile on your face, and make you feel alive. Buy yourself a nice present, go to a workout class that is fun for you, cook a nice meal, and dedicate a day to self-care.


In our everyday routine, personal needs are often ignored. This leads to a disconnection with yourself and leads to feelings of depletion. Practicing an act of kindness for yourself will make you feel grounded and add to feelings of contentment.


Avoid Negative Phrases

illustration of a woman covering her ears from negative talk

Just like positive self-talk is a deposit act into your love bank account, adversely negative self-talk is considered a withdrawal. Avoid sentences such as “I’m so clumsy,” “I never get it right,” and “I’m so needy.” Instead, rephrase the negative sentences such as “I’m becoming more mindful, I know now how not to drop that cup of tea next time,” “I’m learning, I know next time I’m going to do it right,” “I’m a loving person, and it’s easy for me to express my emotions.”

If you have a child, you will never speak to them to break their spirit, then why would you do that to yourself?


Accept yourself in wholeness. We all have our flaws. Nobody is perfect. Learn to accept yourself with your strengths and weaknesses.


Physical Care

illustration of a woman holding her face while practicing physical care

Be mindful of your physical needs. Understanding when you are feeling exhausted and not pushing yourself beyond your limits (this is for both professional life and recreation). Allow yourself enough time to rest and recover. Also, spending time taking care of your physical appearance and hygiene is a form of self-care, i.e., a love deposit.


Avoid harmful substances such as smoking, excessive use of alcohol, and unhealthy eating habits. Habits that can impact your physical wellness are a form of withdrawal and neglect towards your wellbeing.


Our physical world is just a reflection of our inside world. How we treat ourselves translates into our relationships with others. Learn to be there for yourself as much as you are for others. The process of healing always starts from within. So, commit to making more deposits instead of withdrawals from your love bank account to form a healthy and fulfilling relationship with yourself.



If you are a HerMeNow participant or alumni, book your free coaching session now through the HerMeNow website https://www.hermenow.com/wellness.


portrait of Anam Anjum

Anam Anjum Wellness Consultant +971 52 629 9656 anam@hermenow.com almawellbeing.com



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